It’s my birthday today! I’m all about birthdays. Aging doesn’t scare me as it may to some. I’ve learned age is a gift not afforded to all, and I never want to take it for granted.
As I sit and contemplate life for a few moments, I started to think about all the things I never used to think about. Looking back 10 years ago to the very young woman about to have her first baby and working on a fragile marriage….I never thought 10 years would bring me here.
I never thought I would see so many friends struggle and walk through divorce……marriage was supposed to be “happily ever after.”
I never thought I would see so many young people die so tragically….isn’t illness and death saved for the elderly?
I never thought marriage would be so hard…..aren’t you supposed to love every minute with the one you love?
I never thought kids could strip you of yourself…..aren’t children supposed to add to life…and not just the grey hair!? Oi!
I never thought I would love girlfriends as much as I do in my thirties…..why couldn’t girls be this awesome in high school?
I never thought I needed so much forgiveness and grace!
I never thought I would attend funerals for babies…..mamas aren’t supposed to outlive their children.
I never thought I would walk so many friends through such suffering.
I never thought I would experience suffering to such depths.
I never thought I would need relationships as much as I do.
I never thought I would savor simple quiet moments alone at home.
I never thought I would know how to tell people “no” and feel confident in the decision.
I never thought money would not come easily.
I never thought my life would be so simple and so complicated in the same moment.
I never thought I would see God as deeply as I see Him.
I never thought some relationships would be restored.
I never thought I would sound exactly like my mother!
I never thought I would crave Scripture so much. Straight down to my core!
I never thought 10 years could mark a person, change a person, shape a person, develop a person so much.
I originally thought I would write today’s post about what I would tell myself 10 years ago if I could write her a letter from the future. But who I am today is marked and written by every failure and every success of the past. I’m glad I didn’t get to cheat myself out of those lessons, painful though they may have been.
The verse that keeps resonating with me over and over the last few months is from Acts 4:13
When they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus.
Those words…..I can’t stop thinking about those final words. They had been with Jesus. Whatever the number of my days, I want at the end of this story of my life for people to take note and see Jesus.
It’s so hard. But one thing I have learned in this life, anything worth having is worth working for. Being close to Jesus is worth it.
Now it’s time for birthday queso and Mexican food with friends! Have a great day lovelies!
